What If I'm the Monster?

Selene loved the smell of the battlefield. It brought her back to herself, pushed aside her worries and doubts, and brought the world into focus. She was a finely tuned weapon, raised from birth to be so by the empire's most elite spirit wardens, and, aside from being damn good at her role, she enjoyed it. The sulfuric smell in the air reminded her vaguely of fireworks in a way that probably should have unsettled her. Instead, it brought a slight smile to her face. After a troubling few weeks, it was good to have something familiar to focus on, and there was nothing more familiar to her than smashing through a raider outpost. This particular outpost was supposed to be the last holdout of Shala Moor, the ruthless rebel general who targeted hospitals, orphanages, and defenseless kirks. Standing mere feet from the stone wall of the humble fort, Selene buzzed with anticipation at the prospect of ending Moor's streak of terror.

Breathing deeply to focus her energy, Selene reached into the earth around her and found a spirit slumbering, or at least attempting to slumber. "Wake," she commanded it, "and serve the Holy Mother." A deep rumble resonated in her mind as the spirit bound itself to her. The sense of connection to the spirit was familiar, though she had never met this particular spirit before. Even after years of binding and communing with spirits, she was still intrigued by the way the connection expanded and filled her mind with awareness, feeding her sensations no person could feel on their own. Sometimes she wished the spirits she bound were capable of speech and thought. She had so many questions about where they truly came from and whether they actually understood her when she called on the authority of the Holy Mother. As it was, she could sense the layers of dirt, interlaced with rocks and pebbles, bound by roots, and traversed by countless squirming creatures. These she could sense not as part of her own body, but as if they were the ordinary paths she traversed above ground. There was a oneness to the binding, but also a distinct separation, as if the spirit were telling her that it was its own being with its own selfhood, though it was happy to share itself with her for the time being.

In the few moments it took for all of this awareness to settle in, Selene also reached out with the spirit's essence to encircle a patch of earth. Abruptly, the ground beneath her feet surged upward, propelling her to the top of the wall. While the raiders were busy defending the front gate from cannon fire, she sprang up over the back wall unnoticed. She called on the earth spirit to pull up more earth, slowing her descent into the outpost with another grassy platform. As she came to rest just behind the raiders, the spirit swirled beneath her in the soil.

The rear line of defenders, quivering as blast after blast pounded the iron gates, turned to look at the commotion her appearance had caused just in time to feel the landslide she brought down on their heads. They folded easily under her initial assault of boulders and soil as the bizarre landslide arced at them from all sides, burying many of them in the dirt. Unfortunately, the sound of the ground suddenly and violently erupting behind them alerted the remaining defenders. As the troop of thugs turned to face her, readying weapons and sneering, Selene saw a telltale glow in the eyes of at least two of the soldiers. She smiled a wild, toothy grin in response and flicked rogue strands of her choppy brown hair out of her eyes. A fight against other spirit binders was something she enjoyed more than anything.

All at once, the soldiers sprang into action. Rhythmic grunts and stomps from two of the rebels (one a short, balding man, the other a thin, scrappy woman) told her that these Binders were Earthbound. Pillars of earth sprang up around her as other soldiers, those lacking the ability to bind spirits, ran at her with simple muskets. Selene sensed the erupting soil and rock through the awareness granted her by her earth spirit companion, and she sidestepped them easily, their crushing weight falling harmlessly as she pivoted to face the Unbound attackers. Bayonets at the end of the muskets aimed straight at her head as the screaming soldiers rushed her; other grunts with unwieldy firearms took aim in ranks behind them and prepared their shots. She inhaled, crossed her arms across her chest, and disappeared below their shots. Her earth spirit tunneled carefully around her, closing the tunnel above them as it moved ahead at her mental prompting and pulled her through the earth as easily as if it were water. They cut an arc underground to the spot where the two Earthbound rebels stood, stomping like children, trying to use their bound spirits to search for Selene. She wanted to laugh at their clumsiness and lack of skill, which would have been a terrible idea while she was buried in so much dirt. Instead, she decided to put on a little show for them, one only she could perform.

Shooting from the ground right between the Earthbound, Selene did something no other spirit binder, spirit warden, or communer with spirits could do. While still bound to a spirit of the earth, she called on a sky spirit she had spotted flying above and used it to rise above them on a disc of compressed air. The two rebels directly beneath her gawked as they realized who she was. "The Sindasi," one of them whispered hoarsely. The word rippled through the ranks of soldiers. More than a few of the Unbound soldiers even dropped their weapons on the spot and sank to their knees, clasping their hands together and muttering useless prayers to their goddess. Those who remained on their feet were a mixture of shaken and resolved. Selene normally reveled in this exact reaction from her opponents, an emotion her teachers and tutors had encouraged in her, but she found herself reading more in the fearful faces of the men and women below her. These did not look like hardened, heartless marauders. They looked like ordinary people, some portly, some malnourished, all currently scared of her. Scared of the Sindasi who was meant to bring peace and hope to the world.

One of the Earthbound below her, the balding man who carried himself like a commander of some sort, bellowed, "She's still only human, form up!" Arrayed around Selene on the ground, the rebel forces started to comply. Both of the Earthbound mimed an aggressive sweeping gesture, attuning their intent to the actions their spirit companions would follow, and a salvo of fist-sized rocks ripped from the ground toward Selene. She was preparing to deflect it with a shield of wind when the entire front of the fort blew apart, sending a scattershot of wood, metal, and stone across the courtyard. Her poor earth spirit tried its best to keep the pieces of stone from hitting her, but the hewn and worked stone did not heed a spirit of the untamed ground. So Selene placed the shield of wind she had been preparing in front of her instead, to at least prevent the worst of the shrapnel from hitting her. The blast of her allies breaking down the gate sent her careening backwards through the air, and she hissed as debris ripped across her right cheek. "Damn it," she cursed to herself as her sky spirit fought to keep her from slamming into the wall of a stone shed, "Lost track of time."

Setting down on solid ground again to present less of an easy target, she shook her head to clear her confused thoughts and ringing ears. As usual, she had been unable to resist a good fight against a group of raiders, which had led to her missing the timing of the blast on the front gate. She should have been inside the main tower by now, and she needed to make up the lost time. Scanning the interior of the fortress, she spotted a corridor built into the stronghold's walls that likely ran the entire perimeter. That should allow her to skirt around the raiders' main force. Dismissing her two spirit companions, she set off at a jog for a door that looked to be an entrance to the corridor.

Selene knew she would get an earful from General Bragg for screwing up again. But as long as she took care of Shala Moor, the conversation would be a stern reprimand rather than a screaming match. The General—Dad, as he had been for most of her childhood, although she had not been allowed to call him that since her twelfth birthday—had tried to instill military discipline in her, but it turned out she had an impulsive streak that no amount of drills and training could erase. Still, she hated disappointing the old bastard, so here she was: jogging through empty corridors rather than having a duel with Binders outside. She ran unaided by spirits to prevent anyone who could attune to the spirits from taking note of her position. The last thing she needed was to get into another fight and be even further behind schedule, giving Moor time to make a break for it.

As she ran down the passages of the ramshackle fortress, she noticed something unusual. Or rather, she noticed the absence of something that should have been there, which was unusual: there were absolutely no raiders in any of the halls she had come through. The raider strongholds she had infiltrated in the past were much better guarded than this. Granted, the rank and file would always be outside defending the walls from Imperial attack, but there were usually guards or lackeys scattered throughout to ensure that the commanders were protected. Commanders should never set foot onto the battlefield, as the General was quite adamant in reminding her, so someone had to watch their backs while they planned and barked orders from a safe vantage point. Or in Selene's experience with the raiders, someone had to cover their dishonorable retreat or protect them while they hid like cowards. But empty corridors? Selene had no idea what to make of that.

Rounding a final corner, Selene found the missing guards: three pudgy adolescents barely older than schoolchildren. The three youths stood nervously in front of the door to the tower, where her quarry would be. Quite literally shaking in their boots, the boy and two girls before her wore oversized helmets and dirty, homespun shirts and trousers. Each held a rusty sword, likely the only weapons they could find that weren't needed for the defenders in the courtyard. Selene looked at each one in turn and shook her head in disappointment. Her earlier doubts vanished as she considered what kind of monster would place the young and helpless in harm's way like this.

"Is this what the rebels have come to?" she asked, more to herself than the three would-be sentries, "Using children as guards? Stand aside, I will not fight you unless you force me to."

Selene stepped slowly toward them, reaching for an earth or stone spirit to push them aside. To their credit, they began to raise their blades, and one of the girls even seemed to know how to use her weapon. A sharp, pained cry came from behind the door, interrupting the showdown. All three youths whipped their heads around, lowering their swords as worry flashed across their faces. Not one to waste an opening, Selene used a stone spirit to break off a slab of stone from the floor and gently pin the three of them against the corridor walls, clearing her path. She marched to the door and kicked it in. Inside the room, she scanned the space for the raider commander she had come for, instead finding the source of the scream. An extremely pregnant woman lay in a bed against the walls, attended by a young woman who looked to be Selene's age.

Around the room, several other women sat or knelt, huddling over groups of children. Everyone wore the same kinds of shabby clothing as the youths in the hallway. Grimy faces glared at her, no one daring to speak. The only sounds in the room were the babble of the youngest children and the grunts and shouts of the woman on the bed. In her confusion, Selene had apparently let go of the slabs pinning the three door guards because they staggered into the room behind her, panting for breath.

"G--get on your knees, Imperial scum," said the girl who had seemed to know how to handle a sword as she pressed the tip of her blade to Selene's back.

The word scum was said with so much venom that Selene would not have been surprised if the girl had tried to take her head off with her sword. Thankfully for the raider girl, the woman on the bed spoke, her words staggered by her heavy breathing. "Put your sword down, Mariah. Let's not give the Sindasi a reason to harm anyone else today."

Upon hearing the word "Sindasi," the girl dropped her sword with a shriek. Selene glanced back to see her covering her mouth in shock, frozen like a statue. She smirked in satisfaction before turning her attention to the pregnant woman.

"I wasn't aware you bandits were using human shields now. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, but I had hoped even vermin like you had more decency than to hide their leaders behind a woman in labor."

The woman laughed weakly as she propped herself upright with the help of her attendant. "Wrong on all three counts. These are not human shields; they are those who could not or would not take up arms and stayed to protect the children. I'm not in labor quite yet, just suffering from goddess-damned practice contractions." As if on cue, she grimaced in pain, taking deep breaths before continuing, "And I'm not protecting the commander. I am the commander. Or rather, what currently passes for a commander among my people. I am Shala Moor, the woman you presumably came to kill."

Selene started at that, taking a half step back. "That's impossible. Shala Moor is a ruthless warmonger, not a-- a--"

"A mother of two preparing to birth a third? I'm afraid I am, most noble Sindasi. Unfortunately for me, the empire has decided I am also a very convenient scapegoat for all sorts of crimes, most of which I did not commit."

"No no no," Selene said, stepping rapidly toward the bed where Shala Moor sat, "I have seen the carnage myself, been to the destroyed villages where your raiders burned and pillaged. I have personally heard the confessions of your insurgent generals. If you are Shala Moor, you are not some innocent mother hen. You are the most dangerous person in the empire."

Shala Moor sighed and tilted her head to the side. Her voice was clear and strong now that the false labor had abated. "Tell me, when these supposed generals confessed, how many hours of torture had they already endured? How long did your empire make them bleed and scream before they offered up the only words that would make the pain stop? And these villages you say I ordered destroyed, you saw them burned and pillaged yourself? Or did you come along after the fact, and readily accept the explanation you were given?

"When I was a girl, the Sindasi of my time fought against the Imperial invasion. She hated fighting, but she fought all the same, to protect us from the outsiders and their cruel inventions. How is it that you, who hold that same station and that same power, have turned against us now?"

The words hit her like a salvo from enemy cannons, and Selene felt a confused rage building inside herself. Without thinking, she reached out to all the spirits she could sense around her, bending them to her will. Spirits of flame, stone, air, even the timbers that made up the bedframe and building supports, all of them yielded to her. The tower itself began to shudder under the pressure of the spirits reluctantly bonding with her. Selene felt their pain and suppressed it along with her own confusion, causing the tower to rumble louder. Every warning the spirit wardens had given her about forcing one's will on the spirits instead of communing with them screamed in her head, but she could not stop herself from pulling harder and harder.

Selene forced her breathing into regular patterns to keep the protesting spirits from pulling several tons of stone, wood, and iron down on her head, but she did not release her hold. As she breathed in and out, in and out, her mind cleared enough to see the room with fresh eyes. All around her, women young and old held tight to as many children as they could in a futile attempt to keep them calm. The children, in turn, wailed and screamed, twisted and turned to look at the shaking room. Those three youths who had guarded the room attempted to help calm the other children, frightened like all the rest, but trying to seem older and braver for the sake of the little ones. They had held the only weapons in the entire room, and now those weapons lay useless at their feet. Shala Moor still sat upright on her bed, pain clear on her face, maybe from another round of false labor, maybe from some truth she could see in Selene that Selene could not, or both. Selene's eyes at last gravitated to the two very young children sitting by the foot of the bed, scrambling toward their mother for comfort.

Shala Moor somehow looked unshaken by the display of untamed power and calmly said, "From where I'm sitting, you are the most dangerous person in the empire."

Two words echoed through Selene's mind: what if. What if she's telling the truth? What if this whole fortress is just a last stand to protect their children? What if Shala Moor is not my enemy? With a jolt, Selene released every spirit she had forcibly bound to her. The tower went still, the dust drifting in the air the only sign that the whole structure had nearly been ripped apart. She knew there would be consequences for the way she had treated those spirits.

"What if I'm the monster?" Selene whispered before turning away from Shala Moor. She took a long, slow breath before speaking to the woman, "I'll create a tunnel to get the children to safety. I don't know if you're telling the truth, but these children did not ask for this."

"That's more than I could have hoped for, Sindasi. Maybe there is something of your predecessor in you after all."

With a nod, Selene sprinted out the door and down the corridor. She found another earth spirit nearby and asked for its aid in creating a tunnel that ran under the walls and away into the woods; after a tense few moments of waiting, it came to her. For now, the spirits still listened to her, which meant she could make good on her word to Shala Moor.

Facing the rear of the stronghold, Selene and the spirit started digging down into the earth, underneath the wall, and out toward the wild woods. After ensuring the tunnel's stability, she ran back to the tower to start helping the pregnant woman and her cohort out. Carefully reaching for the help of a spirit of air, Selene lifted Shala Moor gently down the halls and through the tunnel. She told herself it was not goodwill or kindness, that it simply would have taken too long for the woman to walk the path herself. Once they reached the end of the tunnel, standing among the towering trees, Selene only grunted and muttered something about being safe and watching out for bears. But the strange woman, belly ready to burst out from under her shirt, smiled at her.

"If you decide you want answers that the empire cannot give you, find a temple to the goddess. There are still some that your people have not yet razed to the ground in this land."

Their gaze met one last time, and she could see tears in the woman's eyes. That was one emotion too many for the day, so Selene returned to the tunnel before she could change her mind and started closing it up behind her as she returned to the corridors of the fort. There could be no trace of where the rebels went, or her act of rebellion would be for nothing.

She needed to get away. Away from the stronghold, away from the mess of emotions and thoughts bouncing around inside her, and away from the General, who would only make the confusion worse with his lectures and his fury. And so, creating and resealing a hole in the wall with the help of a stone spirit, Selene disappeared into the forest, heading off in the direction of what she hoped would be a temple. She would find out for herself if Shala Moor had been lying. If she had been, then she would personally bring her to justice. But if not.... Selene was not yet ready to consider the ramifications if Shala Moor was right.

Written in response to: "Write a story that includes change or transformation." as part of Inaugural Edition.